Home organizer Marla Stone, a former social worker, discovered our language creates chronic disorganization, hoarding, and even living in squalor. “We don’t use the word 'will' any more.” Marla explains that we do not “Will” ourselves to do projects, pick up the kids, follow through, and declutter our lives. She states, “People have replaced the word will with need, and everybody is needling themselves to death.” She insists that” I need” is used most in all human languages. The other phrase besides “I need” is “I have to”. She quickly reminds us that “needs” and “have-to haves” are necessities. “Need has even changed in the dictionary to mean a 'want,' or something desired, and it is an incorrect use of the word need."
The true meaning of the word need is necessity, the seven things that keep us alive. Air, water, food, sleep, elimination, shelter, and sunlight are essential to staying alive; if we don’t have them, we will eventually die sooner rather than later. Marla explains, “These seven items are the essential things in life that keep us alive.” Some will argue surgery or medications,een many a person not go into surgery or take their meds, but Marla has s and they are still alive. So she explains that everything else in life is a “want or a don’t want.”
You either want to get organized, or you don’t. Most people don’t wake up every morning wanting to do laundry, put away the dishes, and clear out the garage, but you can use a different language and say, “I don’t want to clean up and get organized, but I will because……” Marla says, “Figure it out, what you want, what you don’t want, and this way, you will start willing yourself to do what it takes to accomplish your daily and life-long goals." She carefully adds, “When you say that you need to do something and that something is not an actual need, the subconscious mind catches it as a lie, and it will derail you from what you want to accomplish.”
Another part of the language discovery for improving concentration, motivation, and follow-through is ceasing all indecisive language. Indecisive language is “I’ll try” (the second most used phrase in human language), maybe, perhaps, if, someday, sometime, might, but, I’ll think about it, we’ll see, sounds good, sure, I can’t commit for sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I don’t know (trendy statement). We use hundreds of other indecisive language phrases daily without knowing we are doing it.
“The most important and the saddest part of the destruction of our human language is that we no longer use 'feeling' words or adjectives.” Marla explains that we make statements such as “I feel like” or "I feel that,” followed by a poorly thought-out thought, altogether skipping over the actual feelings. There are 200,000 plus adjectives in English, and we only use about two or three per week. The words frustrated and pissed seem to be the most widespread feelings, followed by upset and depressed. Marla explains that people have “not stopped feeling lonely, pathetic, disengaged, trapped, misunderstood, empty, sensitive, indignant or enthused, joyful, ecstatic or enraptured. We have stopped using all these wonderful adjectives to describe what is happening emotionally, making us robotic-like people. We are afraid to feel. When we do feel deep or dark feelings, we push the feeling away with statements such as 'I feel that he doesn’t understand me' or 'I feel like this is not going to happen,' and this is the main problem facing civilization". The idea that you would say “I feel,” without an actually feeling word (adjective) is improper English. Listen and count how many times you say
"I need," only to prove to yourself how attached you are to the word need.
You can find all this information in her book The Clutter Remedy Book on Amazon.
“The idea behind all three language challenges is that we are incredibly needy, indecisive, and robotic. This language barrier to our inner processes prevents us from getting ourselves, our homes, and our lives in order. Marla’s theory of how language is creating and perpetuating chronic disorganization is one of a kind. “When I researched indecisive language, need versus want, and the lack of adjectives in human language, there was hardly anything about this, almost zilch. I was astonished. Even exceptionally well-thought-out people, doctors, attorneys, scientists, professors, and highly educated researchers are all using poor language and defeating their dreams and goals. This is not just a colloquialism challenge; this is the destruction of our being human, having verbal expression, and then being motivated by our expression.
It is unfortunate that, as human beings, there is a loss of will to thrive and be productive, a loss of our ability to communicate our feelings, and a deep neediness for everything.
Marla thinks that chronic TV watching, electronic game playing, long bouts of internet use, and mindless romance or thriller books have much to do with losing our excellent language skills and communication ability. People are so absorbed in these “non-living” activities that they stop living their own lives.
Marla Stone, MSW, Lifestyle Coach, Professional Organizer, Décor, and Feng Shui Specialist, helps people unlock OCD, ADD, ADHD, Chronic Disorganization, and Hoarding Behaviors.
The Clutter Remedy Book on Amazon